Praise You In This Storm

I'm sitting here listening to "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns(which I suggest everyone check out), thinking about my life these days. How much my life has changed even in the last couple years, and more profoundly these last few months. Lots of big changes and lots of epiphanies, finding myself all over again. All the things I thought I knew... well, I was wrong. How I'm learning that I need to praise God even during the storm, however cliche that sounds. Psalm 57:1 "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in thee my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of thy wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by."
When I think back to when I was 15 and what I thought my life would be like now, 10 years later... this is NOT what I thought it would be like. I thought I'd be married, have kids, have a degree, be successful in both my professional career and my home, which I would own one, and just be genuinely happy. What a plan God had in store for me huh? How much would of it would I have done differently had I known what it would be like now? Guess I can't say because I don't know where I'm heading yet. I have to believe that it's all for some devine purpose that I just can't understand yet. That's the only way I get through most days. I can't believe that I was meant to be alone my whole life, never married, my only child is in Heaven, living with my terminally ill grandfather to care for him, no degree, not really successful by any of my standards, working every day just to get by. This is my storm...and its still raining.



Church yesterday was amazing and totally inspiring as usual. I love how that no matter what problems arise for me during the week, they always seem to be addressed by The Almighty on my favorite day of the week... church day. What's an example, Ashley? One might ask. Well for instance when I pray I usually ask God to send me someone, a man who tries to walk in His ways, that wants the same things in life that I do. That I'm tired of being lonely, and having to go through the things that I go through alone. Don't I deserve that someone to fulfill the desires I have for a future and a family? To this day... that prayer is still unanswered, but just yesterday my minister (who I swear was looking right at me when he said this) told the congregation that once you get right with the one that really matters, walk in His light and live the life He wants you to live... He'll bring you the one you're supposed to be with. Crazy huh? That this particular subject has been weighing on my mind this week and this is how it gets addressed. I guess that means I need to stop worrying about it, focus on me and the things I need to do to heal and move forward in my spiritual growth and the things I want in life and He'll bring him to me...
God is GOOD. God IS good.

Father give me the strength to get through today, and the courage to try again tomorrow.

In His Hands,
Ashley