I never thought that I could ever know what it felt like to have my beating heart ripped out of my chest, not like Indiana Jones style, but to be breathing heavily hearing your heart pounding in your ears and someone reaches in and snatches it out of your chest...and it stops. You're supposed to die after your heart is ripped out of your chest, but I don't. I wake up...every single day. Thats the best way that I know how to describe how I feel knowing that I'm here and Preston is not. Ya know, I had a lot of hopes and dreams and things that I wanted to do, no NEEDED to do before I ever had children. Things that would make my life feel more complete and make me more satisfied before I settled down and gave it all up to raise a child. None of those things had happened to me when I found out about him. I was recently single, just getting rolling in my career, and enjoying having no accountablility. Now, I would give it all up in a microsecond to have him here. But I can't. He's gone. I just don't know how a God that I love so much could take something like this away from me? Just cause I didn't feel ready doesn't mean I didn't want him with every ounce of my being!!! If you loved me how could you let me hurt like this??!
When is it going to get better?
Trusting Him,
Ashley
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