2 Months Yesterday

Well I made it through yesterday... it was tough and I'm kinda glad I had to work because it took my mind of the fact that its been 2 months since I lost you. I probably would have slept the whole day away otherwise. You should be 2 months old today Pres, and you're not here... but I am. No mother is supposed to outlive her child. I opened my phone several times today just to look at your beautiful face that is my wallpaper and I miss you so much today... I miss you everday, but to know that today you'd be 2 months old today makes me have a big wad in my throat and I have to choke back tears just thinking about it. I needed church today so bad, but there wasn't any anywhere. Being in the Lord's house gives me peace, a peace that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. I can go into his house with any feeling I'm having, whether it's sad or angry or furious or disgusted, or ashamed... and he makes it all better. I've heard so many stories like this where I've heard people talking about how God healed their very broken life once they found him and I just sort of took it with a grain of salt.... but I really think that the whole point of Preston going to be with the Lord, was to bring me closer to him. I've been lost for a while now, just left wandering... looking for something and never found it but having Preston push me into his grace...I couldn't help but find it. My pastor told me just recently one of our last sundays that sometimes it takes something big for us to change our ways... well, here it is. I attend church religiously and am the person that people now see as the one they can go to with questions about church. Who would have thought? Me... the one people would look to for religious advice or for prayer. That was all Preston. He's my angel for sure. I wish I knew what the bigger plan was, why he had to go so soon. Even if it was just a glimpse just to know that he was ok and that there was a reason for it. That's all I want. I guess I have my dreams. I look forward to them every night... to be able to ses my beautiful, perfect son with me. In my dreams everything is perfect. In my dreams he is there. I love you Preston, and I miss you with all my being. I can't wait to be with you... can not wait. Please watch over me and give me the strength to go on again tomorrow just like you did today. I'll be seeing you soon baby.